Quoting Shayna -
When does it make sense to start snapping ultrasound pics of your uterus and sending out grainy black and white shots of what appears to be a slightly anemic sea monkey to your friends and family?As soon as the Mother to be wants to? Thankfully, most people will rejoice with the mother to be (exception being Shayna). Her friends and family will share in her happiness and smile every time they see one of her ultrasound pictures (exception being Shayna). They will lift anything heavier than a few pounds for her, so she doesn't overexert herself (exception being Shayna). They will ask if she needs anything to make her more comfortable (exception being Shayna). They will start planning her BABY shower (exception being Shayna). They will LOVE her AND her baby (exception being Shayna).
And yet, she is barely at the point in her pregnancy where she can even begin to find out whether or not her pregnancy is truly one that will mature into a fully formed human being, independent and capable of surviving outside of her body. What will she, or any one of the millions of other women who behave in the same way, announcing their children’s existence even before they attend their first prenatal doctor’s visit, if they find out that their pregnancy is not viable? That their potential children would have no quality of life? Can she still have an abortion if she has already so publicly and firmly turned her pregnancy, which is a medical condition that she herself has, into a separate human being in her own mind the mind of her friends and family members?I'm taking it that Shayna would prefer every baby aborted "just in case" something goes wrong? Only a pro-about would keep a calendar reminding her of the last possible day to abort "just in case" the baby's not perfect.
And yet, the baby-centric culture that we have created, wherein it is somehow bitter or radical for me, a single woman, to defend my right to my own body by belonging to the Abortion Gang, but normal for a pregnant woman to spam her entire e-mail address book with a flood of fetus photos. Sure, her job as an ultrasound tech means that my cousin is able to scan herself more often than a hairdresser changes her hair color, but she is hardly alone in transforming from a multifaceted woman into an obsessed baby bakery.It's called HAPPINESS Shayna! Something you clearly don't have any experience with.
I’m not sure whether I find the barrage of baby news and photos so obnoxious because it began upon conception or because of its sheer volume. It could be because, despite the fact that it is remarkably easy to conceive a child, her behavior indicates that it is somehow a daring or difficult choice.Actually, the chances of getting pregnant run between 11% and 25% each month, depending on the timing. While some women get pregnant easily, others struggle for years, and some never get pregnant. They never experience the joy of carrying their baby in their womb, feeling it kick, and giving birth. They feel like they were cheated, and unworthy. They go through years of depression because they feel that their destiny is unfulfilled. So sad that Shayna has no empathy for these women. But who says feminists should care for all women? Not me.
Yet, I believe, that it is so much more challenging and admirable to make the decision to not have a baby. To dare to put quality of life above “life,” to make the hard decisions that, unfortunately, no one will be sending you cute little pastel care packages for. It is so much more difficult to decide to have an abortion, to decide that you cannot have a child now, because, unlike the decision to have a child, there is no one there to pat you on the back, let alone legions of family, friends and acquaintances. As Mother’s Day approaches, though, if you are one of these courageous women, then please pat yourself on the back. Whether you have children now or not, know that you decision mattered, and that you deserve to be praised every bit as much as and more than those who decided to carry pregnancies to term.I'm picturing Shayna walking out of the abortion mill after having her baby forcefully removed from her womb. All the other pro-aborts are high fiving her, and yes, patting her on the back. You were so brave! Another baby saved from a world that's just scary to live in. Shayna goes back to her place, alone.
At the same time, her cousin went to the hospital. All of her family is there waiting outside the door to her room (exception being Shayna), and then they hear it. The baby cries, it's such a joyful sound. Everyone cheers. Happy tears flow, and hugs all around. A day or two later, the new mom is holding her baby as she is wheeled out of the hospital. There are balloons and flowers. She goes home and puts her newborn in it's bassinet for the first time. And she sits for hours, just watching her baby sleep. LIFE is beautiful.
It's sad the Shayna will never experience the joys of pregnancy and motherhood, or maybe it's not.
When should a woman show her ultrasound images, Shayna? Isn't that her CHOICE? Don't you support ALL the choices of women? Snicker. According to Shayna we should keep our pregnancies all hush hush in case we want to abort later, because abortion is a shameful act, no, wait, it's a common medical occurence and between a woman and her doctor, oh, wait...
ReplyDeleteLOL
Armored Saint - Apparently they don't support all of women's choices, especially the choice to be happy about being preganant and becoming a MOM. I suppose if her cousin would have aborted, Shayna would have written a happy post. Sick sick woman.
ReplyDeleteWhile, I admit the tone of the original blog post sounded cranky, it's sounds like the crankiness is coming not from the author's disdain for her cousin having a baby, but rather her cousin's behavior (which I imagine, is annoying. It's annoying when *anyone* constantly talks about *anything*).
ReplyDeleteI do however, agree with the idea that it's in EVERYONE'S best interests to wait a little while after conception to make announcements, to start calling it a "baby," to start painting the nursery and picking out names. Sure it's her choice, but a lot of pregnancies don't ever make it to term. I can tell you from my own experience, the women in my family have experienced a LOT of miscarriages. So many, in fact, that the women in my family will not throw a baby shower until AFTER a baby is born. They don't announce pregnancies until they're starting to show. All this because if they had all started doing the expected baby celebration things so early, the heartbreak of the miscarriages would have been that much more devastating. I support using clinical terms, like "fetus," certainly through the first trimester, if only to help safeguard the mental health of the parents.
For a lot of women it IS very easy to get pregnant, but carrying the pregnancy to term is the hard part. Lots of pregnancies happen and spontaneously abort before the woman even knows she's pregnant.
So I have to agree with the overarching message in the Abortion Gang post. It's a good idea to wait. But again, to each her own.
Also, you make very sadistic claims about the people who align with Pro-Choice. Not everyone who is pro-choice has had or will have an abortion. Pro-Choice does not go door to door trying to encourage pregnant women to have abortions. Women do not "high-five" each other at abortion clinics. T
ReplyDeleteThe end of the Abortion Gang post talks about exactly what you seem to feel so righteous about: that these women who HAVE chosen to have abortions, who made VERY difficult decisions, and who had a wide variety of reasons for those decisions...have a much less broad support system (than women who choose to have children), simply because our culture deems abortion inappropriate to talk about publicly, on a personal level. The end of the Abortion Gang piece speaks to that, offering words of peace & support to women who HAVE chosen abortion, in light of the upcoming Mother's Day.
You also make sweeping and negative assumptions about the author's views on pregnancy. I bet she was thrilled for her cousin's pregnancy, she's just tired of hearing about it.
Anon - I agree that she is tired of hearing about her cousins pregnancy. Though her cousins 'behavior' is completely normal, Shayna is shaming her for being happy about her pregnancy. Shayna actually makes it sound like there is something wrong with her cousin. Pregnancy is a normal condition. Induced abortion is not.
ReplyDeleteShe also said "Yet, I believe, that it is so much more challenging and admirable to make the decision to not have a baby", which makes it clear to me that she thinks women who choose to abort, should be admired more than women who choose to give birth.
You said "have a much less broad support system (than women who choose to have children), simply because our culture deems abortion inappropriate to talk about publicly". Of course there is less support, abortion itself is not supported, because it involves killing a developing human being.
As someone who has had many very early miscarriages, when we became pregnant, I was reluctant to tell people at first. It was not because I didn't love my children. I loved them from the moment I knew I was pregnant (15 days and 11 days). I knew I might lose them, but they were my children and they were human beings and I loved them so deeply.
ReplyDeleteI was worried that if I lost them, people would say stupid things--things like that they weren't a baby, that I could have another (not necessarily), that I hadn't bonded with them yet (what the f*** do they know), that at least it was early (so I had less time with my precious baby?). I still don't share about my miscarriages with a lot of people in real life for that same reason--because my children are people and I will not hear them disrespected. Some people know--and some of those have told me about their pregnancies very early, because they knew I would pray for their babies and that I knew their babies were people and I wouldn't say anything stupid.
We did end up telling about our successful pregnancies very early. My husband (a wonderful man, very pro-life, whom I love so much) pointed out that if we did lose our children, but hadn't told anyone, we would lose out on support, and on the time of rejoicing in their lives. I support a woman telling about her pregnancy whenever she chooses to tell; I don't support people treating her embryo or fetus as a nonentity or subhuman. What would Shayna's cousin do if her baby dies? Well, she'll mourn the baby, with the support of those who the baby was real for because she shared so much. What if her baby is disabled? Well, maybe she'll keep loving her baby and not kill him or her for a disability. Or maybe she'll do what fake pro-lifers do and kill her baby and say she had a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy or something. I'm sure Shayna would help her out. And if she does feel like she has to keep the baby because she's told everyone--or she wants to because she's in love--that's certainly not a bad thing for her. Or her baby.
YWC, Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate your sincere honesty. Miscarriage is tragic, and unavoidable. For women who have lost their babies in miscarriage, it has to be difficult to share the news of pregnancies that follow. They are rightfully worried, not so much about what people think, but about the heartbreaking possibility of losing yet another baby. Shayna will not be able to offer emotional support to her cousin, should the worst happen, because Shayna doesn't give a squat about the baby. To her, it's 'tissue' which violates a woman's bodily autonomy, a threat to her prochoice crusade.
ReplyDeleteMost pregnancies end with a healthy baby being born. Regardless, women have the right to celebrate or their pregnancies as they see fit. And people like you and me are the ones that will support mothers no matter the outcome of their pregnancies.
That should of course have read "YCW" Young Christian Woman.
ReplyDeleteTo anonymous at May 4, 9:11 pm
ReplyDeleteOf course people are not interested in hearing women talk about their recent abortions. What would even be an appropriate response to that? "Well, congratulations on having your offspring sucked out of your body"?
When a pregnant woman is excited and happy about her child, it is only natural to be excited and happy with her. The reason Shayna and the other posters are irritated with the happiness of pregnant woman is because it confirms the unborn are indeed children. After all, why would anyone love something that is simply a blob of tissue or a "potential" human being?
So Shayna thinks it's difficult to decide to have an abortion? What she really means is that her abortion clinic has trouble convincing women to stay and have abortions. Women choose not to abort at her clinic after their pregnancy test comes back. Then Shayna and her friends have a hard time getting them to change their minds about it and go through with an abortion. She's really whining about lost income here.
ReplyDeleteIf I was pregnant, I'd want to keep it quiet as long as possible; only tell a few trusted people, and those who need to know (that may or may not include the father-depending). Why is that? It's a protective instinct, to protect the child from people like Shayna; people who might try to pressure me into an unwanted abortion. I'd rather spend my energy getting ready for the baby than spend it fighting off attacks from the Shaynas of this world.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cecilia! People like Shayna, are too afraid of pregnancy and birth to bring new life into this world. Killing the baby inutero is the easy way out.
ReplyDeleteYou may want to read this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.booksie.com/editorial_and_opinion/novel/a9fc8yt3kd/a-collection-of-brief-essays-on-various-social-and-moral-topics/chapter/15